At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
