Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
