Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize