I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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