No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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