There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
