Got a toothbrush?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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