Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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