I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
