i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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