so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
