Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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