she peed on how many people?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
