Can Purell be used as lube?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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