I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
