if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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