Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
