well you can't waste a boner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
