Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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