Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize