I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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