so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
