hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
