Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
