you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
