You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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