I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
