found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
