you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
