My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
