the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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