i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
