he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
