How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
