If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
