Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
