i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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