I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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