That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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