I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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