I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
