my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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