i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize