If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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