I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize