my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
