I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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