No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
