On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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