College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
