I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
