Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
