mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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