People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
