Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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