he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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