you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
